Permission to be Human: Tips for Self-Compassion

By Areej Mukhtar, MHC-LP

Compassion: The feeling we often show to others, but rarely to ourselves. Why is that? Why are we motivated to relieve others of suffering? Science suggests that when we feel compassion, our brain releases oxytocin, a hormone related to areas of our brain associated with empathy and caregiving. It's a built-in motivator that brings us to care for other people – being compassionate does wonders for our mental & physical health, it literally can lower the chances of developing heart disease and even lower stress (how cool is that?!). So, we can understand that it is easier to develop compassion for others starting from our loved ones to those we don’t know (or that random movie character).

Practicing compassion for others, it’s awesome. What if we double-down and find the place in our brain and give a little to ourselves. It does not have to be the “cookie cutter” version of self-care, we might not all benefit from a spa day or journaling, which is completely okay!

The first step is understanding self-compassion. According to Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the study of self-compassion, it means “treating yourself with the same warmth, kindness, concern, and support that you would naturally show to a friend you cared about.” As humans, when we feel threatened, we enter fight, flight, or freeze mode – which could look like criticizing ourselves, fleeing into procrastination or shame, or we feel stuck. While it may be natural reaction, it can also be unhelpful for us and our mental health. But what if instead of fighting, fleeing, or freezing in response to our struggles, we paused and said, “This is hard right now, and I deserve care too.” That’s the heart of self-compassion. It's not about avoiding responsibility or pretending everything is fine. It’s about acknowledging our pain without adding shame to the mix.

Self-compassion is not a destination; it’s a practice! And in a world that often pushes us to be “better, faster, stronger,” choosing kindness toward ourselves is a radical act of mental health.

This Mental Health Awareness Month and beyond, give yourself permission to be human. You’re worth the care you so freely give to others. Becoming the best version of yourself means embracing your imperfections and learning from your mistakes, not tearing yourself down when you’re already struggling.

You don’t need a major life overhaul to begin. Here are some approachable ways to bring more self-compassion into your day:

1. Talk to Yourself Like You Would a Friend

Next time you mess up or feel overwhelmed, ask: What would I say to a friend in this situation? Then say that to yourself.

2. Name What You’re Feeling

Sometimes just acknowledging: “I’m having a tough time right now” is enough to ground you. This simple practice creates space for kindness rather than criticism.

3. Try the “Self-Compassion Break” (by Dr. Kristin Neff)

Take a moment and silently repeat:

●      Suffering is a part of life.

●      This hurts.

●      May I learn to accept myself as I am.

You can place a hand on your heart or take a deep breath while doing this. It helps regulate the nervous system.

https://self-compassion.org/exercises/exercise-2-self-compassion-break/

4. Customize Your Self-Care

Forget the Instagram version. Self-compassion might look like setting boundaries, canceling a plan when you're burned out, or letting yourself cry. It's about what you need.

Reference:

"What Is Compassion?" Greater Good Science Center, University of California, Berkeley, https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/compassion/definition#what-is-compassion. Accessed 23 May 2025.

Neff, Kristin. Self-Compassion. https://self-compassion.org/. Accessed 23 May 2025.

Neff, Kristin. The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion. YouTube, 22 Feb. 2013, https://youtu.be/3SPywoJWlxg?si=bgweDM6i7yOFeSu-. Accessed 23 May 2025.