On Loneliness, Community & the Courage to Connect
- 3 days ago
- 4 min read
By Silvia Torres, LMHC-D, NCC
Finding Your Way Back to Connection
Loneliness has become all too common in our society. As human beings, our needs extend far beyond basic survival — we yearn for connection, and yet it can feel increasingly difficult to find. I wouldn't point to a single moment when connection became harder, but several forces have shaped how we relate to one another: the rise of social media, the pressure to leave established communities in search of safety or opportunity, the prevalence of dating apps, and the erosion of third spaces where people once gathered naturally.
My hope is that this post offers something useful — a starting point for taking active steps toward reducing loneliness in your own life.
What the Research Tells Us
In their report Men, Women and Social Connections, Isabel Goddard and Kim Parker of the Pew Research Center found that 38% of adults report sometimes feeling lonely, with those under 50 more likely to report loneliness than older adults (Goddard & Parker, 2025). The consequences are significant: loneliness is a strong predictor of depression and poor health outcomes (Akinyemi et al., 2025). Women reported experiencing depression in greater numbers, though this finding is based on self-reporting — it is widely suspected that men tend to underreport experiences related to mental health.
That said, statistics only capture one dimension of loneliness. The numbers tell us how widespread the experience is, but they don't tell us what it feels like to move through a crowded room and still feel utterly alone.
What Can We Do?
The question of how to reduce loneliness doesn't have a one-size-fits-all answer. Any meaningful response must be understood within the context of a person's culture, abilities, financial situation, education, geographic location, and the many other variables that shape daily life. This post won't be able to address every scenario, but it can offer a framework for reflection and action.
One meaningful place to start is developing and deepening your sense of community. The word "community" may mean something different to you now than it did a few years ago — that's true for many people. For our purposes here, think of it as the groups and people you feel genuinely connected to and want to engage with more intentionally.
Start with Self-Reflection
The first step is often the hardest, and it begins inward. Self-reflection helps you identify three essential things:
Your needs. What do you actually want from your social relationships? It's easy to be influenced by external messages about how we should be spending our time or who we should be spending it with. Your needs belong to you alone. Once you've identified them, try ranking them — from those that feel non-negotiable to those with more flexibility.
Your values. These are your personally held beliefs, ideals, and expectations — both for yourself and for the people you invite into your life. Knowing your values helps you find communities where you'll feel genuinely at home, rather than like you're performing belonging.
Your capacity. This one is often overlooked, but it matters enormously. Capacity refers to your emotional bandwidth, your energy for engaging with others, and your overall tolerance for social demands at any given time. Being honest about your capacity helps you set realistic expectations. If you loathe running, joining a running club is probably not the right move — no matter how social it sounds.
Once you've reflected on these three dimensions, you'll be better equipped to explore meaningful ways to build or strengthen your community.
Lean Into Discomfort
Taking action after self-reflection will likely bring some discomfort. That's okay — lean into it. As Brené Brown writes in The Gifts of Imperfection: "You can choose courage, or you can choose comfort, but you cannot choose both" (Brown, 2010).
Below are some avenues worth exploring:
Volunteer opportunities:
Idealist — find volunteer roles aligned with your interests and values
Points of Light — connect with volunteer opportunities in your area
Local events and meetups:
Meetup — find groups organized around shared interests
Eventbrite — discover local events and experiences
Travel with community in mind:
Flashpack — group travel for adults in their 30s and up
It Started with a Trip — curated travel experiences for adults in their 30s and above
G Adventures — group travel for adults in their 20s and beyond
There is no single solution to reduce loneliness. Self-awareness, intentionality, and a willingness to lean into discomfort can open doors that once felt closed. Every step forward matters. There will be moments of awkwardness, of reaching out and not hearing back, of showing up and feeling out of place. Those moments don't mean you're doing it wrong — they mean you're doing it.
References
Goddard, I., & Parker, K. (2025, January 16). Men, women and social connections. Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2025/01/16/men-women-and-social-connections/
Akinyemi, O., Abdulrazaq, W., Fasokun, M., Ogunyankin, F., Ikugbayigbe, S., Nwosu, U., Michael, M., Hughes, K., & Ogundare, T. (2025). The impact of loneliness on depression, mental health, and physical well-being. PLOS ONE, 20(7), e0319311. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0319311
Brown, B. (2010). The gifts of imperfection: Let go of who you think you're supposed to be and embrace who you are. Hazelden Publishing.
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